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Aurelia Anne
19 May 2015 @ 09:42 pm

Aurelia Anne
18 May 2015 @ 10:47 pm
I question my motives constantly. Why am I doing this? What the hell am I thinking? There has got to be a better way. Is there something better that I could be doing, like moving far, far, away? I would rather move far, far away to be honest.

In 8 days life as I know it will change. Whether or not is for the better remains to be seen. It hurts my heart greatly that I've had to go through this entire process by myself. The people who are supposed to be helpful haven't been helpful at all and I've more or less been left to my own devices to figure everything out.

On the other hand, I can say that I am being an excellent model for my child and I hope that she sees how hard work and initiative can get you far in life; that you don't need someone to do things for you, you can do things for yourself.

At the end of the day all you have to rely on is yourself anyway.
Aurelia Anne
19 April 2015 @ 12:15 am
I was driving in a yellow Jeep with my dad. He was wearing this blue patterned shirt, beige nylon cargo shorts, and leather sandals that I had gotten rid of after her died. I can't remember if we were having a conversation but I remember we got to a point where we were over the dunes from this warehouse looking bar/restaurant. He wanted me to stop and pull over because it looked like a nice place to relax and get a drink. I told him he couldn't do there. I told him that he couldn't get a drink anymore. Of course that didn't make him too happy. Well, he'd just get a glass of red wine then. NO. I told him. NO he couldn't get a glass of red wine; it's the same damn thing. But he didn't want to listen to me and he took off for the restarauant. I tried to call after him. I begged for him to stop. I tried to make him stay but he disappeared over the dune. I couldn't save him. I couldn't stop him from leaving me.
As I watched him disappear I looked down at my blood stained hands. I wiped my hands on my pants but they wouldn't stop bleeding. And I woke up.

I started having more of a hard time with the house related items once the house went under contract and the mortgage people really started coming at me with the paper work and looking for the down payment etc. I am using a small portion of my inheritance as part of those monies. I don't deserve that money. It's not mine, I didn't work for it. I didn't earn it. It's blood money.
It's money that belongs to somone who wanted to live on the beach and fish and who deserved to do so.

And now I have to go to sleep. Awful.
Aurelia Anne
02 April 2015 @ 10:29 pm
andthemoon pointed out to me the other day that I needed to update this. And I had. Until some how the really great entry I wrote  got eaten.

Suffice it to say I have garden gnomes to buy.
Aurelia Anne
So I went with Not Farm House

Guess what was behind Door #1? A shit load of electrical problems. Granted, that was my first home inspection but my realtor said that was the worst home inspection she's ever been on. When I went to start the dryer ALL OF THE LIGHTS WENT OFF IN THE HOUSE. Yes, Folks. I could use the start button on the dryer as a light switch. Press the button, lights off. Release the button, all the lights go back on again. Also we had just had a snow storm and there was no oil in the tank. No oil=no heat. I'm genuinely surprised that none of the pipes had burst. Add some mold in the attic and a whole bunch of non-functioning appliances including a drawer that fell on me.

Oh, and did I mention that the listing said that the house had central air? Twice. Did the house in fact have central air? Nope.

At least the guy was grateful for the inspection report, I mean I wouldn't want my investment to suddenly explode either. I did withdraw my contract because of the list of things I'd want done, "add central air" would be one of them and I'm not sure I trust the guy doing the work. I don't exactly want to live in a house that's going to explode on me either.

I haven't altogether abandoned the haunted farm house. My realtor is in Belize this week damn her. I guess it's my turn to be jealous since Lilianna and I were in the Bahamas at the end of February for the IJM Bahamas pagaent. We floated my numbers to their realtor because my offer is most likely going to be a lot lower than what they might even be able to afford given the amount of debt they are carrying on the house.

But we'll see. Who knows I may be right back at the exploding house. It was a nice house.
Aurelia Anne
17 February 2015 @ 10:34 pm

One House: A farmhouse built in 1797 near a creek and the Other House: a flipped, updated oddly laid out home in a neighborhood suited for trick or treaters and cheesy Christmas decorations. Both have immense merits both have their WTFs? No matter which you pick both are more house than what we need but I think I'm finally tired of living out of aparments.

Things are changing and I think some are for the better some I'm not so sure about. Lilianna's pageant coach is moving to Florida due to a change in her job. Lilianna is graduating out of her school in the spring. We need to figure out our living situation whatever it may be before the end of August,

The Wheel is Moving and I with it.

Aurelia Anne
08 January 2015 @ 12:14 pm
Trust and believe friends, the wrong person put the gun in their mouth over here
Aurelia Anne
You know what is an absolute treasure? Sleep. Glorious sleep. And you never realize just how much you need it under it suddenly up and *poof* disappears. That's pretty much where I'm at these days. You really can't go very long without sleep. I was at 72 hours and my brain turned into jello and about leaked out my ears. I practically forced myself to get something only to go down another 48 hour stretch. Last night I took 3 Advil PMs and it did absolutely nothing. I managed about 4 hours though and I'll take what I can get where I can get it at this point. My neighbor across the hall told me I looked like complete shit, like I was some kind of junkie.

You know what freaks me the fuck out? My dad stopped sleeping right before he died. He took handfuls of Advil PMs that did absolutely nothing trying to get to sleep. You know what else freaks me out? I somehow got cellulitis IN MY EYE. IN MY GODDAMN EYE. I woke up one morning and the whole damn thing was swollen shut. And I have to ask, why does all of this crazy, off the wall, bonkers crap happen to ME?

On an unrelated note a potential opportunity to be a tech in the ME's office may come available and my friend who's a social worker down there has been pushing me hard for the last couple of years really in that direction. This time she gave the guy in charge my cell phone number and told him to call me when the test opens up again. Day shifts get to dissect and perform the autopsies, night shifts get to run the pick up calls. Did I ever mention that this is my dream?

It just scares me to death. I wish I were braver.
Aurelia Anne
19 October 2014 @ 05:41 pm
Congratulations baby girl, on being signed to your first modeling/acting contract with a major local agency. There are great things in store for you, you were meant for great things. This is but one step on that journey to greatness.
Aurelia Anne
18 October 2014 @ 05:39 pm
When I was growing up, if there was a newsstory or something on TV I remember my dad sitting in his huge leather chair and point at the television and say, "See? See how disgusting that is? If God wanted us to be gay then the human race would just died out." I'm not really sure if he was saying this to me or at the TV in general. I'd just kind of stared at him and went back to whatever my teenage self was doing at the time. It never came up again.

Flash forward many, many moons, only a few years before he would tragically pass away and I'm in the kitchen of his small apartment fixing something for him and he's in that same, although now much older, more beat up, huge leather chair watching TV. DOMA had not yet been repealed and there was a newsstory on TV about the fight for marriage equality.
"You see this?"
"See who dad?"
"These gay people on TV. I don't get why they can't get married? They should have the right to get married just like everybody else. What do you think, Lolly?"

I just smiled and brought him his sandwich.